It is my birthday this week - February 2 - and I am turning 22. Which is, in my opinion, an altogether unremarkable age. Apart from being pleasantly duplicate, it lacks the tipsy excitement of 21 and the beautiful asymmetry of 23 (which happens to be my lucky number, so it lucked out).
I feel like the mood of this 22nd birthday matches my life at the moment. A pleasant age, but unremarkable, plodding along. I feel a little lost in the city I thought I had settled into over two years. I think about leaving Portland, but I'm not sure where I would feel excited and fulfilled. I'm not even sure what's missing or what can "make it better".
Honestly, I feel a bit lost in general, not just socially. What am I doing with this job, and how does it fit into long term goals? What ARE my long term goals? What do I want to do with my life? I know I'm not supposed to think about these things too much - enjoy the moment, everything happens for a reason, blaaah blaaah blaaah - but I need a direction.
I have been tossing around the idea of the Peace Corps, of a political/policy internship, of travelling independently. Nothing satisfies me. I know where I want to end up - vaguely - but I don't know how to get there, and it's frustrating me to hell.
I guess for now, I will set the goals that I can. I will continue working hard at the resource center and plan an epic treasure hunt for our Summer Food Program. I will work out five days a week until I look and feel like a rockstar. I will read good books, keep up with the news, and, you know, keep trying to figure out my future in every detail.
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